On Housekeeping - December 2010

Today I was compelled to sweep and mop the kitchen floor. This was not inspired by some message from the Universe nor a well-trained sense of housewifeliness, but rather the fact that I nearly tore my socks trying to move from one spot in front of the stove back over to the sink. Lest some think that the incident inspired a day-long cleaning binge, suffice it to say that I did the area in severe need of attention and swept any other still loose debris to the edges of the room where at some later date either the cat or I will move them to another location. The entire operation lasted less than 15 minutes, but resulted in an obviously improved 7x4 foot area of flooring.

I also decided to vacuum the living room rug. Nick WhiteCat hissed viciously at the Electrolux as it was pulled from the closet, and Diego immediately headed upstairs. This is further evidence that they have not been exposed to this piece of equipment frequently enough to be desensitized to its presence. I would feel guilty if there were small children around, or if someone else lived here, but since the animals create most of the need for the vacuum, I figure it all works out in the Universal Plan for Serendipitous Equity (pronounced "oopsy." More on this concept later).

I like leaving spaces on the floor to contrast with one another. It's like have before and after photos where you can really appreciate them without having to get out an album or refer to your cell phone. When all was said and done, the portions of the space that have been cleaned stand out clearly, and there is a sense of accomplishment without a sense of fatigue; ergo, there is UPSE in my home.

I am currently working on a new skill: the ability to direct all the hair on the bathroom floor to the wastebasket while bending over to dry my hair upside down, a technique well-known among women for enhancing the fullness of your hair for nearly six full minutes following the process*. I was remarkably successful this morning on my initial attempts at this new housecleaning skill. Just think how much time and effort would be saved by being able to send any falling strands on one single trip through the air into the receptacle.

I'm now off to my first client appointment of the day, knowing that my inner June Cleaver has been appeased in some small way. May UPSE be with you.

*To my many male friends of a certain age: this is not recommended unless you have a head of hair like our friends Arthur or Clancy and can afford to tempt gravity by shortening the distance from scalp to planet.